via piccsy, original source unknown.
I’m a bit sad. A little bit down. Maybe a little bit depressed. I’m on holidays from uni but I don’t want to do anything. And the less I do, the less I want to do. But I want to do something at the same time. I just don’t know what. And thanks to getting myself in a financial pickle, I don’t have the money to do something or anything. Lucky nothing costs nothing. Except perhaps sanity.
I find it hard to concentrate on anything. Like my mind is thinking eighty different things but nothing at the same time. I sit down to write, nothing comes out. I try to read but give up when I've read the same paragraph four times. I look up and realise I’ve been picking split ends out of my hair for an hour. I sigh a lot.
I don’t have a big circle of friends but that’s okay, I never have. I have always preferred a small group of close friends to a hoard of acquaintances. But at the moment, I’m feeling particularly lonely. Close friends live hours away or different time zones altogether. Working on Saturdays is causing me to miss out on weekends away with friends. (I resent working on Saturdays but I don’t have much other choice.) I miss my high school best friend who lives a ten minute drive from here but because we have both changed so much, seems so much further away.
Part of this harks back to a craving for adventure. I need some change, of routine and scenery. Something to inspire. Something to shake off the dust and to get my heart beating faster. I don’t know how to find this, to do this. Even if adventure was free, who would I adventure with?
I don’t know. Maybe I’m just lonely. But until I find someone to make me not so lonely, how do I know that’s all it is? Maybe it is something else, something more, something worse? I don’t know and it makes me feel anxious. And sad.
Hello...so, you have opened your heart a little bit here and if you are anything like me, you will have tempered down what you really feel for the blog page. I think - for what it's worth - that if you are not feeling right, then you need a plan and you need to think who needs to be involved in that plan. If you feel sad - acknowledge it. My friend and I call it the black hole - way off in the distance and we are miles away, but ever so occasionally it feels like we are looking right into it...standing on the threshold. For me there is alot to be said for recognising how close the black hole is. It's a yardstick. And - have you tried St John's Wort? Sounds like a hocus pocus supplement but it does work...honestly and it's much less of a big deal to go to the health food shop than to go to the doctor's surgery. Then there is the usual stuff - go for walks, notice nature, eat well, get more sleep. Big virtual hugs - if you were at my kitchen table I would give you a cuppa tea and we could hatch a get happy plan. Lou x
ReplyDeleteThat's not a good feeling, but your not alone. Sometime holidays are times for all those feeling of stress and tiredness to come out. It is hard to do stuff when life is on hold.
ReplyDeleteAnd if you need encouragement to get out and do things, I only have next week left of school. We could catch up.
Hope you are feeling better soon.
Oh dear, I recognise many of these feelings. When I get like this I find it does help (if I can actually haul my ass out of here) to get out and about... somewhere, anywhere. If all else fails, I go and see things tourists would see when visiting here, camera in hand. I think just being in the fresh air and brighter light helps clear the head and lift the spirits. Hmm, if I didn't live half a world away we could cook up some plans. I keep saying, we need someone to perfect a Star Trek Stylee Teletransporter. { Sending hugs }
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear you're feeling this way but I can definitely understand where you're coming from. I think, at some point in our lives, we all go through these feelings. As much as you have no motivation to do anything, I've found that for me it helps to just force myself to get out and do something. Go for a walk, sit in a cafe, check out a museum, or just sit in a park and read. Probably 9 times out of 10 I'm glad I forced myself to get out and do something - anything - rather than just giving in to the temptation of doing nothing. If you were here in Cali, we'd have some wine and chocolate and laugh the sadness away! Hope things perk up for you soon :)
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel! This time last year, I felt exactly the same way. I was unhappy with my course at uni (not that you are!), hated working weekends and felt constantly alone. I felt like I had no one to really talk to. But I was kidding myself, my boyfriend, my mum and close friends were just a phone call away and more than happy to listen. I made some changes and I'm feeling good (still working bloody weekends though!). You will be fine too xx
ReplyDeleteThe itchy feet feeling used to happen to me a lot in the uni break. I found finding things I could do for free helped, even a little volunteering. Getting out of the house, if even for just a walk around the neighbourhood helped as well and anything that required movement (one summer I actually climbed the walls)
ReplyDeleteI think allowing yourself to feel sad is good and should be done, but there is also something to be said for getting up and doing things, as that seems to help get the motivation back. I hope you find the answer that works for you.
Take care of yourself x
Oh Annelise.
ReplyDeletePart of this is just that your brain has been focussed on academia, and the mindset to be a non-studying but still functional person is different.
The friend thing I get - my best friend and I are nothing alike. it is strange, but we are still friends.
I send you lots of hugs, and hope you get back on a even keel soon. xxx
I can really relate to everything you've written here. I'm feeling the exact same way.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you'll get out of this funk(does anyone actually call it that anymore?)soon.
The suggestions other people have made sound really good. I think doing things in increments will slowly build up to you having more motivation to do something. Start off spending ten minutes going for a walk or cleaning (personally, I struggle with this even when I am motivated), just doing something other than nothing. Re-reading that it doesn't make much sense or seem useful.
I hope you feel better soon. I'm not too far away and I don't really have anything to do. So if you ever want to catch up or chat or whatever, let me know. :)
Definitely relating here. It's nice being off for summer vacay here, but I agree. It's easily for me to get lonely and my mind wanders. I am lucky that I have D, but it'd be nice to have some gal pals to hang with regularly.
ReplyDeleteI'm constantly craving adventure but hate my lack of money to put towards it. It's so frustrating being an adult sometimes.
Hey doll. It looks like everyone else has covered that whole "get up and force yourself to do something" advice. But first, I say let yourself do nothing for a while. I have been in a bitch fight with depression for years, as you know. And sometimes forcing myself out into the world just makes things worse. But once you spend some time with that feeling, you really do have to get firm with yourself. E-mail me. We'll talk about cute guys that we can't have and stupid things that we would like to try.
ReplyDeleteI love you, girl. Hope things get brighter soon.
oh Annelise, your writing is so prolific and i think it's wonderful that you are able to put these feelings into words. when these types of moments enter me it always seems to help by journaling them out. thoughts that are so swirly this way almost need an anchor line to draw from, that way you can recognize which way is up. i wish you nothing but the best and with that a direction that also leads you towards the surface. when we're treading water it's often hard to see the horizon but it's there.
ReplyDeletebe well lades, many blessings. ♥
I have been where you are...sometimes just falling into a hole and seeming to wonder if I'll ever find my way out. After my ex-bf of 8 years traded me in for a younger version at his dream job I let myself spend an entire year absorbing the waves of grief. People said get over it---I said, 'I will. When I'm ready.'
ReplyDeleteIt sounds to me like you're in a hole. And you know it, so that's good that you recognize it.
For what it's worth and, this may sound insignificant, here's my advice:
-get natural light even if for as little as 10-15 minutes a day breathing in the air and sitting in the light will do wonders for you mentally and physically.
-with whatever little money you do have, do something for yourself: find a book you'd love to read and indulge in every page, linger there. or a movie or set of them. let someone tell you a story. let yourself be cared for by that story. (i know you like stories and i'm like this too and found it incredibly therapeutic).
-absorb the crappy feelings you're having, but don't linger there too long. throw yourself out there daily whether it's grabbing a cup of coffee or taking a walk--do your best to shake it off just a little each day.
these are things i've done. i wish i had some lottery winnings to share with you.
xoxo,
carrie
sending hugs your way...perhaps you should check out 365grateful.com - i think you'll be inspired.
ReplyDeletetake care sweet one x
Oh wow Annelise...sorry that things are not going well right now..I really hope things get better soon. I think we have all gone through similar situations at various points in our lives. There is so much I could say but probably not enough space here. I hope you have a mentor or friend you can you talk to and get some insight. Thinking of you!!!
ReplyDeleteHopefully you'll get pass this phase soon. I've been there too.
ReplyDeletesending you lots of hugs. xxxxxxxx
ReplyDelete