via piccsy, original source unknown.
I’m a bit sad. A little bit down. Maybe a little bit depressed. I’m on holidays from uni but I don’t want to do anything. And the less I do, the less I want to do. But I want to do something at the same time. I just don’t know what. And thanks to getting myself in a financial pickle, I don’t have the money to do something or anything. Lucky nothing costs nothing. Except perhaps sanity.
I find it hard to concentrate on anything. Like my mind is thinking eighty different things but nothing at the same time. I sit down to write, nothing comes out. I try to read but give up when I've read the same paragraph four times. I look up and realise I’ve been picking split ends out of my hair for an hour. I sigh a lot.
I don’t have a big circle of friends but that’s okay, I never have. I have always preferred a small group of close friends to a hoard of acquaintances. But at the moment, I’m feeling particularly lonely. Close friends live hours away or different time zones altogether. Working on Saturdays is causing me to miss out on weekends away with friends. (I resent working on Saturdays but I don’t have much other choice.) I miss my high school best friend who lives a ten minute drive from here but because we have both changed so much, seems so much further away.
Part of this harks back to a craving for adventure. I need some change, of routine and scenery. Something to inspire. Something to shake off the dust and to get my heart beating faster. I don’t know how to find this, to do this. Even if adventure was free, who would I adventure with?
I don’t know. Maybe I’m just lonely. But until I find someone to make me not so lonely, how do I know that’s all it is? Maybe it is something else, something more, something worse? I don’t know and it makes me feel anxious. And sad.