this is what i would do

pinterest, original source unknown

I'd seen this all over Pinterest and it made me snicker every time but it wasn't until I came across what someone had written as the comment that made me really laugh:

THEN RAISE THE FUCK OUT OF OUR KIDS! AND GIVE YOU ALL THE MOTHERFUCKING LOVE AND SUPPORT YOU’D EVER FUCKING NEED. AND PAY THE HELL OUT OF THAT FUCKING MORTGAGE. AND THEN WHEN THE GUTTERS ARE CLOGGED I’LL GET UP THAT FUCKING LADDER AND CLEAN THAT SHIT UP WHILE YOU STAND BY THE KITCHEN WINDOW COMICALLY JUDGING MY WORK. AND THEN WE CAN VACUUM THE FUCK OUT OF OUR CARPET SO HARD THAT WE’LL HAVE TO GET A NEW ONE. WE’LL WASH OUR CLOTHES SO GODDAMN FUCKING HARD. FORGET NO RINSE, WE’LL USE HIGH FUCKING SPEED. BUY A FUCKING MINIVAN TO STUFF OUR BEAUTIFUL FUCKING BABIES INTO IT AND DRIVE THE FUCK OUT OF IT. THEN WE CAN GO SOME FUCKING PARENT-TEACHER MEETINGS AND MEET THE FUCK OUT OF OUR KID’S TEACHER. THEN JUDGE THE SHIT OF HER IN THE CAR. AND WE CAN THEN PILE ALL THE CHILDREN IN THE FUCKING MINIVAN AND GO TO THE STORE AND SHOP FOR GROCERIES SO HARD THAT WE ACTUALLY HAVE TO MAKE MORE THAN TWO TRIPS TO GET ALL THAT SHIT INSIDE THE HOUSE. AND THEN COOK THE FUCK OUT OF OUR KITCHEN UNTIL WE HAVE NO FOOD LEFT AND WE FEAST ON THAT SHIT FOR FUCKING DAYS. I WILL EAT THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR HOMEMADE COOKIES. THEN WASH THE SHIT OUT ON THE DISHES TOGETHER UNTIL OUR ENTIRE HANDS GET FUCKING PRUNEY. WE’LL WATCH OUR KIDS FUCKING GRADUATE AND MOTHER FUCKING TEAR UP LIKE THE BADASS BOSSES WE FUCKING ARE. WE WILL GROW SO DAMN OLD TOGETHER, WE WILL LOOK LIKE FUCKING RAISINS. I WILL FUCKING TELL YOU EVERY SINGLE SECOND HOW MUCH I FUCKING LOVE YOU. HOLDING EACH OTHER’S FUCKING HANDS SO HARD THAT WE SHIT OUR SELVES. UNTIL WE DIE AND ROT AS MOTHERFUCKING CORPSES TOGETHER. TIL DEATH DO US FUCKIN PART. HAPPILY EVER FUCKING AFTER.

Now, if that isn't the perfect love, what is?



apropos of nothing, really.

it's all happening via pinterest, original source unknown

My computer power cord is dead. Wires poking out of it all over the place. No power cord, no charge. No charge, no computer. How boring. How I feel like I have had my arm (or some other important appendage) cut off. I've been reading what I can of blogs on my phone but it's not the same. I caught up on a few blogs yesterday but I was at work and supposed to be working, not getting paid to read blogs (could you imagine how awesome that would be as a job?!). I hate working.

Three weeks in and uni is already causing headaches and internal turmoil. How am I going to get it all done and get it done good? How could I have left year-long projects to the last three or so months? What was I thinking? Procrastination is the work of the devil. 

Because I must obviously be a slave to the devil, can you please tell me some blogs that really pop your cork? Ones that get you all excited when you see a new post. One whose words you devour and savour. I need some new blogs to add to my list. I mean, if you guys had the posts being consistently pumped out, then I would be happy. But I suppose you've all got lives or some shit because I find myself compulsively, obsessively, refreshing my screen to see if you've posted a new blog. So, like a junkie, I need more. More. Moar.

Spill it. Tell me. Shine some light on the blogs you love.

The eagle has landed. I repeat, the eagle has landed.



P.S. I am semi-computer-less at the moment. I'll be catching up on all your blogs over the next few days.

sand and seaweed.

I had internet fatigue today. Too much Facebook, too much Twitter, too many blogs, too many shoe sites. I needed to get out of the house – a desire made even stronger by the beautiful blue skies and the disconcerting fact that it was warmer outside than it was in the house. So I took off to Ocean Grove, a ten minute drive away.

It was an unseasonably warm day. Even though I had donned my trackies, a hoodie, scarf and hat, there were people in the water: a couple of wet-suited surfers (though looking at the picture above, I’m not sure what they thought was going on out there), a kayaker and a sailboat. On the sand, fathers were kicking the football to their sons and couples were strolling along the water’s edge, arm-in-arm. Groups of friends threw tennis balls to their dogs, some people strode along determinedly, while other weirdos ran past, checking their watches intermittently.

Even though it was beautiful and lovely and the air was crisp, I was still feeling a bit off kilter. Even this song wasn’t helping me out. In frustration, I took the buds out of my ears.

Once the noise stopped, I felt nothing but peace. Not just the music, but all the white noise, all voices in my head (not schizophrenic voices, thank you). Everything shut off and I was just there.

I don’t know what it is about the ocean. There isn’t anything like a swim to get rid of the cobwebs but even just being by the water is refreshing. Fresh, salty air. It grounds me. I walked to the Barwon Heads point and back, the light fading as the sun slowly sank behind the sand dunes and the transparent clouds making lazy patterns in the sky.

Tonight, I feel tired but rejuvenated. University starts back tomorrow and I am excited to be back. Engaging and challenging my brain.  I never want to stop learning.