Imagine being hand model.
Imagine your hands being your livelihood, but not in the way a carpenter's hands are his livelihood. Or like a dentist's or a brain surgeon's or a sewer's*. Imagine your hands being so goodlooking that you make money from them. People make money from how their faces look, how aesthetically pleasing their features are, and I get that because you can see someone and think Wow, that person is beautiful or even they are just really attractive. And that's fine but I don't think I've ever looked at someone's hands and been all like Phwoar! Check those beauties out!
And then when you think about it, being a model - a face model as opposed to a hand model - is just as dumb because your face is your living. A pleasing countenance is not a skill. Pretty hands and fingers are not a skill. And yet, imagine the stress that must come from being a hand model. Imagine not being able to cook, in case you cut your finger or burn the back of your hand. Imagine you have a job booked and you’re just about to leave to go to the job, but as you open the car door, you somehow break a fingernail. Imagine the sheer horror of looking down to see a jagged nail. Your entire day would be fucked.
I read on BellaSugar that one of the requirements to be a hand model is to have “veinless and poreless” hands. I’m no expert, but in my medical opinion, having hands that are without veins and pores would probably be a very bad thing. In the same article, the hand model from the cover of the Twilight book, the one where the hands are holding the red apple, says that people think hand models live like your average supermodel or rock star. The fuck? People are that stupid? Also, why is the Twilight hand model even being interviewed?
Hand modelling is totally ridiculous. I defy anyone to take their job, their career, as a hand model seriously. I mean, if it was me, if I was the hand model, I would be laughing myself into delirium. I’m getting paid to have pretty hands!!! I would also have the perfect excuse never to cook or clean again. Or do anything again, really. Couldn’t even turn the page of a book, for fear of getting a paper cut. Hand models must love e-readers.
To be honest, I find the whole thing to be a little perplexing and frankly, quite disturbing.
*Sewer. As I typed that word, I immediately thought of the other sewer and that wasn't very pleasant. So I wondered what other words could be used as a substitute and seamstress came up but to my ear, the ess just makes it sound feminine - even though seamstress is apparently a gender-neutral word - and I didn't like the insinuation that sewing was a woman's job/hobby. Dressmaker was suggested (via Twitter. Because nearly all of my pondering and musing is done via this medium these days) but then, probably incorrectly, all I think of is dresses, not just dress meaning clothes in general. Tailor was also suggested but I immediately think of a man, measuring up men for men’s suits. So if not seamstress or dressmaker or tailor, then sewer? I don't know, I don't think any of the words sit right but I do think I'm overthinking it all a bit too much. So, sewer. God, imagine being hand model, guys.
I read it as sewer rather than sewer. I don't know if that helps.
ReplyDeleteI also like the title of this post and the contents.
Thank you!
I read it as sewer as in 'the Turtles' live in a', but the explanation cleared it up!
ReplyDeleteAlso, you are right, it is ridiculous. I could never do it imagine no baking?!
Foot models are more ridiculous I think haha
ReplyDeletehand models make me think of that episode of Seinfeld where George where an oven mitt to protect his hand from potential damage. And of course being a Seinfeld episode, inevitably his career as a hand model is short lived.
ReplyDeleteWhy would a hand need to be vein and pore free?! If editors can photoshop every flaw from someone's face, you'd think the same could be done with someone's hand!
Gah, SJ beat me to the Seinfeld reference! which was of course my very first thought when I read this post. Poor George.
ReplyDeleteI just looked down at my decidedly vein-y hands and felt very sad for all the hand modelling opportunities that I will never have. Ah well. That being said, it would be great to make stacks of money for just holding stuff.
PS. I read it as needle-sewer as opposed to sewer-sewer.
I think of the Seinfeld episode too. And of David Duchovny in Zoolander. Haha.
ReplyDeleteOk. I used to be a catwalk model (not like international catwalks, more like Myer/David Jones/Sportsgirl. So dont get too excited) and I can tell you that what you say about not being able to do anything applies to that too. I could not do things like go to the beach (you get irregular tan lines that need 'correction' at the solarium), do anything that might result in obvious bruising (pretty much anything fun), squeeze a pimple (you know that's so satisfying), cut or colour your hair in a new style (unless you're a huge name, which I was not - see above), etc, etc. It was such a fun stopper. And you're right - being a model of any sort is not really an achievement - you just happen to have a look that a section of the population happen to find attractive at that point in time. Whoopee. Well, you have achieved no tan lines and getting waxed all over every two weeks. And that is no mean feat.
Sewer is ok in context. But without context it is always the thing that the sewage runs through.
That little animation on the right is so freaky. But amusingly so.
This post cracked me up! Its true though, totally ridiculous. I had to look up the cover photo from Twilight and there was really nothing special looking about the hand to me, at least from my 'untrained' eye. :)
ReplyDeleteThe dream is dead: I have veiny hands.
ReplyDeleteHow did I miss this post? (don't answer that. it's a stupid question.)
ReplyDeleteI agree with SJ. It seems a whole lot easier to just Photoshop a hand instead of searching for the perfect pore-less, vein-less specimen. I, too, will never be a hand model. How tragic.
ReplyDeleteHell hath no fury like a woman scorned.