Guest Post - Van-City Femme

Hello Everyone!

The lovely Annelise has asked me to do a guest post for her blog while she's away in Vietnam. 

Which I think is awesome. I'm also kind of jealous. Vietnam! I bet it's gorgeous there this time of year. In fact, I'm sure of it. I googled it. It's summer time there, while it's winter here in Vancouver and I'm imagining the sun right now.

She's given me the topic of travel for two reasons. Because she's traveling (hurr hurr) and because I have the attention span of a gnat without a topic. So there's that. 

There are two, maybe three notable places I've been to in total. I haven't had the luxury of travel just yet and my passport does not have badges and visa stamps galore just yet. Soon. Soon my precious. 

So aside from driving for days on end across the country in the deathly boring prairies (if you're thinking about going through Alberta, Sask, and Manitoba... just fly... Seriously. I'm sorry if this offends any flat-landers out there, but I'm so used to the mountains and... well proper landscape.) my travels have been limited thus far to San Fran '05, Tofino '08, and Playa del Carmen '10. 

San Francisco. I adore San Fran. I went for 3 weeks the summer I turned 16 to work as a part time nanny for my mom's friend. In my off time I was able to do a TON of touristy things. I didn't get to do everything on my list, but that's for trip number two. The best thing was Alcatraz. I was in Harry Potter phase (that will never end) so I kept accidentally calling it Azkaban. Hey, they're both on an island, they're both prisons, they both sound ominous and start with an "A", so there! Good for history buffs. Incredibly interesting even if you're not a history buff. They give you a head set and that takes you on a full walk through of the prison and points out significant places (who was in which cell, what solitary confinement was like), even replays sounds recorded of the prison at its peak. There's also the Golden Gate Bridge. Monteray Bay Aquarium. Santa Cruz! I learned to surf at Capitola Beach. Ate amazing seafood at Fisherman's Warf. Drove up and then down Lombard Street (the super zig-zaggy one). San Fran has a beautiful skyline at night too. Definitely one of my favorite cities.

Tofino. This was a 3 day trip. It's a 5 hour drive from Vancouver, two of those hours spent on a ferry. The last hour to Tofino though, was like driving on a really twisty, windy road through an enchanted forest. My boyfriend and I went in Feb '08 as a "last trip before 12 months of solid school" trip. And because it was storm season, it was cheaper and there were less people. It may have been a bit colder than normal, but seriously, it was worth it. Tofino is beautiful. And we got a place that didn't have radio, tv, a phone or wifi, so we were completely unplugged for 3 days straight. Initially it was to save money but it ended up being just amazing to be able to walk up and down the beach, taking photos and breathing in the salty air and just BE. A must-go if you ever find yourself on the west coast of Canada. 

I took this photo. I was standing on the beach with my back to the ocean at low tide. So the sand was still wet and reflecting the cabins we were staying in/

Playa del Carmen. This is the furthest I've been from home. We spent a week in Mexico and to be honest, I don't know if I could do it again. I looooove sun and heat. But guys, I make gingers look tan. 70 spf was no match for the California sun, I came back looking like a lobster. So in Mexico, all I could do really, was go out for 20 mins and then hide in the shade and reapply greasy sun screen. I did burn, mildly on my back, nothing awful. Lucky for me (lucky?) it was thunder and lightning for 4 of the 7 days we were there. I really wanted to go to Chichen Itza (the pyramid) but it was too far away. So we went to another one instead called Coba and this was great because we got to climb it and part of the trip was a visit to a Mayan village and swim in a cenote, which is like swimming in a fish bowl. The other trip we did while there was Xel-ha. Very touristy, but quite fun. We snorkeled down the river, which was neat because it was salt water on the bottom of the river, and fresh water on top, so it looked almost oily. I ended up following around a sting ray for about an hour. When we got out of the water, we walked around the area, saw a dolphin show, a ton of tropical birds, fed some fish and ate ice cream.

A scuba diver in a cenote.

And for good measure, places I want to go. 

Maui, I'm going there in April for 10 days, very excited. I can't wait to slather on the sun screen and go snorkeling.  I'm seriously considering buying a burka style swim suit though. Or renting a wet suit for 10 days. I want to spend a lot of time in the water, and I don't want to burn.

The Great Barrier Reef. I have a friend from Darwin, Aus and she's pretty much convinced me that the water around Aus. is a scary place (though, honestly, all of Darwin sounds like a terrifying death trap made of spiders, snakes and crocs). Maybe, I'll just put on a water hazmat suit made of chain-mail with some sort of jellyfish repellant.
EVERYWHERE IN EUROPE OMFG. My list of places I want to go in Europe exceeds the rest of the world combined. There are so many land marks, museums, places, buildings, sights I want to see. From the Catacombes of Paris to Venice, London, Prague, I even want to go to Pripyat (Chernobyl) and take photos. I just wanna take photos of all of Europe. 

And so that is my list of places I've been, and places I want to go. I won't end on a negative note of places I would never set foot in *coughafricamiddleeastchinacough*, but all this talk about travel is making me restless. And I cannot express how jealous I am of the Vietnam trip!  

What does your travel list look like?

Bonkers

Vietnam is fucking bonkers. Cars, motorbikes, people, everywhere. All the time. We started off the trip with a canceled flight but managed to get onto another plane to arrive in Saigon just a couple of hours later than scheduled. In Saigon, we sweated like it was our job. So hot and humid. We're in Hanoi right now where it's considerably cooler but still humid. Long Island iced teas  and tequila sunrises are helping us get through the day. Internet is a bit hit and miss so far. I have some scheduled guest posts that will hopefully publish when they are supposed to - I also had another one that should have posted on Thursday but didn't, so who the hell knows. I'll check back in in a couple of days. Off to risk life and limb for a walk down the street.

a new one

When I booked this upcoming trip to Vietnam, I gave no thought to my passport at all. I mean, they’re valid for ten years, you just kind of forget about an expiry date. But I eventually checked and to my dismay, it expires on 6 March. I fly back home from Vietnam on 7 March. Annoying. And not just annoying but expensive too. Especially because I left it until three weeks before our departure date before I got around to having it renewed and therefore, had to pay the extra fee for speedy delivery. Serves me right, ya.

I love my passport. I love thumbing the pages, looking at the stamps from different airports around Europe, seeing the date and feeling mild surprise at just how long ago it was. I love seeing the working visas: one fancy-looking UK visa and one Irish visa, handwritten in a hurried scrawl. My favourite is the entry visa for Egypt. It takes up the whole page and the stamp was so wet with excess ink that the facing page has mirror image stamps on it.

This new passport has an entry visa for Vietnam to grace its pages first. Immigration dudes had better stamp it too, if they know what’s good for them. Over the next ten years, I hope the pages are full with stamps from airports from all over the world.

And sidebar, in ten years' time, I’ll be forty-two. Holy fuck.

which would you rather?

image from Zo they say, original source unknown

Uni starts back in two weeks. I’ll be away though, doing my tour of duty in Nam so I sent an email to my four lecturers, explaining my absence and asking if there was anything I needed to do to make up for it. I’m still to hear back from one lecturer, one lecturer replied in minutes, saying everything would be hunky dory. Another, the Associate Dean of the School of Education and Arts, replied and made me feel like a naughty school girl (in a bad way). This is his email (his bad grammar included):

 

Dear Annelise,

This is quite unfortunately and will set you at a slight disadvantage. One bit of advice I would give is to prepare for the fortnight you will miss in the time before you leave. This involves:

1) Getting a hold of the textbook and making a start on the readings.

2) Carefully reading the course description (attached) and familiarising yourself with the requirements of the course.

3) What time is your tutorial? I can put you in touch with the tutor who will give further advice about the two tutorials. One possibility is that you may miss some preparatory work for the first assessment task which will occur during the second week's classes.

University dates do vary from one year to another. 2013's calendar is now available online. I would suggest carefully planning your vacations around future calendars in future.

I would also suggest doing this for other courses you are enrolled in for semester one.

 

I might be feeling a bit touchy but is there not a disciplinary tone in this here email? Thank you, Associate Dean, I shall carefully plan my vacations around future calendars in future.

An hour or so later, the following email popped up in my inbox from the lecturer of Indigenous Societies in Contemporary Australia (once again, poor grammar lecturer’s own):

 

Oh No, in the first two weeks I ALWAYS hand out fifty dollar notes, latte coffees with bush tucker chocolates neatly poised on the saucer...
i am very envious that you are going to Vietnam and I am in Ballarat but I will get over that. The best thing to do is to actually read the readings that will be outlined in the course description. They are all available on line. I will be posting the course description on moodle hopefully tomoz or Monday. Look out for it! great stuff, it will rock your socks...well ok it  might be of some minor interest.
have a great time and see you when you are in th rat. [should read: back in the ‘rat, as in short for Ballarat]
nb you will miss the group work meetings so you will have to ingratiate yourself in with a group in your tute. use your charm.
cheers
fred c

 

Now, tell me: which course you would rather?

boss of the world

LET ME HEAR YOU SAY 10 via weird fish

Last Saturday morning at work, while I was condemning the people who use the same wet spoon for both the coffee and the sugar and thus leaving either brown or white little clumps in the opposite, to an eternity spent in the fiery depths of Hell, I made mention to Lisa-Marie on Twitter that I wished I was the boss of the world so I could sort out the disgusting people who find it too hard to dry a spoon. (Worst sentence ever, by the way.) And then I thought ‘Ooh … boss of the world, that sounds like fun’ and with increasing delusions of grandeur, I began creating a list of all the rules I would enforce, should I  when I become Boss of the World.

1. People must use their manners. Please and thank you and sorry. It’s not hard, motherfuckers. Table manners also. Swearing will be totally acceptable, FYI. Except the c-word. Except when it is delivered with hilarity, such as the way Kristen Wiig delivers it in Bridesmaids. Then it can be used with gay abandon. But only then.

2. Mosquitoes be damned! I’ve been harping on about how these high-pitched buzzing, biting, blood-sucking vampire insects are the bane of my existence, and that when I become stinking rich, I’m going to commission a team of scientists (commission? hire?) to make the bastards (or is it bitches? I think I read somewhere years ago that it is the females that do the biting. Sluts) extinct, therefore earning me a Noble Peace Prize. But now that I’m B of the W, I wouldn’t have to worry about paying anyone to eradicate an entire species, I could simply command them to do so with a wave of my wand (oh, there will be a wand. Maybe even a cape. Depends on the weather, obviously). The people will appreciate my altruistic endeavour and I will still be awarded the Nobel. While they’re at it, the scientists will also end the snakes’ reign of terror, once and for all.

3. Thou shalt not be a dickhead.

4. ‘Parking inspector’ will cease to be a valid employment option. See No. 3.

5. Scientists will find a way to make chocolate a non-fattening foodstuff. Sidebar: how great is that word? Foodstuff. Foodstuff. FOODSTUFF.

6. Ugly shoes are banned. Also with regards to feet, people shall be responsible for maintaining a high standard of personal footsie hygiene. Nails shall be of a short length and well-groomed, heels shall be regularly pumiced, odour shall be kept under control. Failure to meet these requirements shall result in three written warnings and finally, a toe being amputated for each offence thereafter. Tough, but fair. Hygiene is important.

7. Everyone will learn the difference between their/they’re/there and to/two, et al. And they will use them correctly because, damn, people: you did graduate primary school, did you not? It’s not rocket surgery.

8. Vapid fame-whores (Kardashians, I’m looking at you) will be free to exist but without polluting our televisions, magazines, bookshelves, or internets ever again.

9. When it comes to religion, live and let live. You know. No more wars in the same of God, no persecution for believing one thing in particular – except for Scientology. That shit is the first to go. Seriously. Written by a science fiction writer? Tom Cruise? Come back to me in a thousand years and then I might relent and relax the rules, L. Ron.

10. It will be a helluva lot easier to find one’s mate. There’ll be some kind of registry or something. Details to follow.

So. Boss of the World. Pretty cool, yeah? All those people who use a wet spoon for both sugar and coffee, this is your notice.